Hugging Anger

The world seems so angry these days. The other day my husband came home from work, slamming the door obviously traumatized by something. Anyone who knows him knows he has nerves of steel. He proceeded to tell me loudly and uncharacteristically that I was not allowed to view a video he'd watched online about a girl in China hit by a truck and left for dead and people who could have saved her walked by her and took pictures. He couldn't go on. He grabbed me and hugged me so I couldn't see him crying, even though I knew was. I was the calm one. I held him tight and then I kissed his forehead and let him hug me again. We talked about it, and that was it. I wanted to kiss him more, but he is an island. A man's man. I know he loves me until the ends of the earth. That will never change and I love him. I have a hard time dealing with the lack of sensitivity in our world today. As a Psychologist, it fascinates me, as a person, it terrifies me. What is happening to some of us? As the Marine screamed at the police at Occupy Wall Street- " Have you no honor or respect?" Even in war there is respect. There is even honor among thieves. We are emotionally cannibalizing ourselves-everywhere. Reality shows that are not reality, or any reality I would want to be in for that matter....what happened to being entertained? We have the fear factor, and other shows that appear to try to find the racial mixture and strange political correctness that makes the evening news look like a movie. We are becoming a Third World Superpower. We have forgotten what we fought for in the first place that every man is created equal, not the 1% that have the money. Look what happened during the "Golden Age", the 1890's. We are right where we were back during the Dust Bowl and right before the Great Depression. Greed has seeped it's way into our very fiber and is ruining the people who are supposed to be serving us, the people. We, the people. We are not the People I want to be. I have lived under the thumb of all this for far too long. The other day on a social media site I'm on, I was speaking my opinion on the impending student loan crisis protesting. A childhood friend of mine made a comment on my wall; and I'm paraphrasing here; " You're are such a talented person and have accomplished so much, you need to change your attitude and focus on something that is real and where you can really make a difference instead of whining about something that will never change." This statement hit me right between the eyes like a baseball! I wanted to say something to her and defend myself, but I knew she was one of the people who would just walk by and take a picture. So I will do what I do- and I will lay down in front of Sallie Mae, and I will stand up for my rights and the rights of others, I will do this with Occupy Sallie Mae and all the Occupier's, along with Cryn Johannsen and All Education Matters, inc, Robert Applebaum and his Forgive Student Loan movement. I will try to make a difference and stop no matter who is laying on the ground.

TalkShoe - Call - Cutting Room Floor

TalkShoe - Call - Cutting Room Floor

I'm 48 today.

I'm 48 today. Which is really cool, I think. I like being older. I think of the movie, " Peggy Sue Got Married" with Kathleen Turner and Nicholas Cage. I wouldn't want to go back unless I could really change something, and I don't know if I'd want to. I'm a Christian but I believe in Karma too, and even though I know there was a lot I could change, what about the lessons I have learned and all the work I have done for self actualization? what would happen to that? We as human beings need to learn lessons and have experiences and our own Monets; that's what we are made up of-with all the blood, and cells and DNA, we aren't who we are until we get there and it all starts to make sense and you get that feeling.... that sense of Synchronicity as the in the Carl Jung story of the Gold Scarab June Bug. I'm in a show and really clicked with one of the characters in the show and how that helps me in my own life because every time I play a part, it's a piece of myself I put out there for all to see. This has also opened up an opportunity for me to have a situation that I have needed for so long, and to help my world make more sense in the physical emotional sense. I forgot how good experiences can feel with the right person, or the right people. It's like making the perfect chocolate souffle, it's heady and decadent, like a summer evening in south with the air full of perfumed jasmine, honeysuckle and cedar, and you just want another taste and crave the taste, but you want a little bit each time to savor it. My husband just bought me a gift for my birthday and the pups just jumped on my lap. Life is so good.

STUDENT DEBT EMERGENCY: A THANK YOU TO OCCUPY ACTIVISTS!

STUDENT DEBT EMERGENCY: A THANK YOU TO OCCUPY ACTIVISTS!: A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO HAVE GOTTEN OFF THEIR ASSES TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE DISASTER THIS COUNTRY HAS BECOME, AND FOR CONFRONTING...

Back to Acting

I was away from acting for about 12 years. Now that Lyme has rotted my brain, I don't have access to my photogenic memory that allowed me to act professionally. So, it takes me a little longer to remember what I'm supposed to say. I'm also older so the parts I used to get, I'm not privy to. And just like in Hollywood, a man of 50 can be paired with a chick of 25, but not a woman his own age, because we look old, right? It's so depressing. 
Being away some 12 or so years things have changed. But I'm catching on rather quickly. I'm primarily a stage actress and I finally got onstage!  I work backstage too; makeup, costumes, ushering, anything to help out and be a part of group and a community. It's not the easiest thing to do when you're in your 40's and just moved to the Southern Maryland area, making friends, I mean. I'm a city girl. It's hard to really put myself out there, but if I don't do it, I'll be sitting at home unhappy. Someone said a long time ago-"Ninety percent of life is how we react to the ten percent of life that happens to us."
As for my Lyme, it's getting better. I had my catheter in until I went in the hospital for what they called a "little heart attack" whatever that means, you can figure that out for yourself. Then I had a bleed out in Florida from too much blood thinners and a lab that forgot to call my cell phone. They also called my Dr's office, but it was 10pm and my Dr. 's doesn't work those hours, maybe yours does? I now have the catheter out which tested positive for MRSA. I'm much healtier now that I'm in remission, but I have to be on meds, and also go through some treatment to help me lose weight and get me back to my resting metabolic setpoint I ahd before I got sick. The loss of my adrenals and thyroid porked me out to 246! I weighed 128-138 most of my life! I now weigh 219, but the rest of the will not come off, and when I exercise it puts stress on my already fragile joints, so this is what they have to do. wait until I write about that.
I also had no libido for quite awhile and that was a bit stressful to say the least in a new marriage. So now, I 'm starting to get better and it was awakened like Sleeping Beauty beng kissed when she was alsleep, only not. I got my part in a show and my character has to kiss someone onstage. Not a little kiss, but a big huge kiss. This woke me up-literally. I felt the chemistry. Mind you, we don't have chemistry with everyone. And when we do have chemistry with someone it doesn't always mean we act on it. It some times means that we can recognize we still have "it." I feel attractive and alive again, something I haven't felt in along time and I'm grateful to know it's still there.